


Hiraeth

by Erisandmira



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 08:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15991337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erisandmira/pseuds/Erisandmira
Summary: Kairi is feeling lost and Lea tries, on his own way, to cheer her up.





	Hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place before the Kingdom Hearts 3 trailer

> _One attempt to describe hiraeth in English says that it is “a longing to be where your spirit lives.”_

 

 

 

Kairi’s eyes were steady to the horizon, face aglow with the last orange rays. The sun cast its golden rays down upon the clouds of billowing smoke and bathed the forest in a riot of color. The trees were skirted by pools of autumn gold and rust colored leaves. She liked how the sun turning them bright red; fire red. Whenever the wind blow it would leave her with an image of dancing flames.

_I want to draw it_

Did she?

 

Still, she preferred the sunset seen with the wild sea of destiny Island. The way the sun shone off the rippling water, its golden light warped in the twisted, glass waves. It was beautiful in a way that no description could truly capture. She missed feeling the softness of the sand, still damp from the retreating tide. Missed watching as each wave overlaps one another. She missed a lot of things really.

 

_A mysterious large manor. A white room filled with drawings._

 

Lately, such thoughts insidiously creep into her mind. Suddenly she would find herself longing for things she never had, things she only has some inkling of. They filled her with a nostalgic, bittersweet happiness she had no memories to have felt before. She assumes they are Naminé’s feelings. That’s the only explanation that would make sense. So, she clings to them. How can she not be filled with joy by the hints of her presence? After all, the girl herself was almost completely missing. The kind sweet girl that had told her to believe in herself. Her heart ache with sorrow, but which one of them is causing it? Her quiet reflection was interrupted by approaching footsteps behind her.

”Hey,” a familiar voice spoke-

 

Axel.

 

She draws in a long breath and tries not to show her irritation. “Hey” she returns. She hoped he would get the hint that she didn´t want company. She had after all gone to the place where she thought she could be alone. Sitting on a surprisingly comfortable stone in a deserted hill. Axel stopped walking a few steps away from her. Towering over her even more than usually, he looked down at her with his eyebrows raised questioningly.

“Want to join me?” She asks politely when he didn´t say anything. Again, hoping he would read the reluctant in her voice, but sort of expecting him to ignore it. After all, he must have come here looking for her. Most likely to talk to her about the training incident. Or maybe that is self-centered of her? Perhaps Axel enjoys watching sunset too.

 

“No need to sound so enthusiastic” He smirks. Sitting down next to her anyway. Not really caring about her wishes, she thought bitterly. She was mostly over the whole kidnapping her to turn Sora to a heartless. Really, she was.

 

“What have gotten you all gloomy, princess?” He asks.

 

Opting to ignore him, she couldn´t help feeling stupid. She should be enjoying having finally traveled to another world. Not against her will for once. Surely, she is not losing it, right? Selphie had been questioning her sanity with the whole “Hey, I pretty sure there is this guy we have all forgotten”, but she had been right about it! A strong feeling of guilt invaded her. Once again leaving her almost dizzy. These mood swings made her wish Riku or Sora was there. They would have made her feel less distorted, less confusion. Not that they were in this world. She wasn´t sure where they are. So much for not be left behind again. From now on, wherever one of us goes, the other follows, got it? No, nope, not have these thoughts again! Kairi furiously pushed them down. She would not sit here and drown in a sad mixture of melancholy and self-pity. Axel observed her inner turmoil nonchalantly.

 

“You know, I don´t think I ever seen the mighty Keyblade be wield so pathetically, “ he began. Crushing all hope that she could pretend nothing happened.

 

“It bad enough you gripe like it´s a baseball bat, but to actually _throw_ it on a heartless!” He guffawed. How she missed the apologetic Axel that was riddled with guilt. Unfortunately, she had been too wary of him to appreciate it. Now she must endure his shameless teasing. She glared at him.

 

“The heartless died so I hardly see the issue”. Sure, it would have been great if she had been able to call back the keyblade, but Axel struggled with that more than her did.

“Still, not the brightest idea”

 

“Don´t judge my ideas with your poor taste” She shoot back. Feeling her mood improving. Training helped her feel less stressed, but often left her weary and prone to depressing thoughts. It was sweet of Axel to try to cheer her up. Even if she felt Naminé deserved this quiet moments.

 

“Hey, I have excellent taste, pinky” He said smugly.

 

”That black old coat is the opposite of good taste, Axel-”

“ Its Lea,” He interrupts.

Kairi is momently stunned. While he had introduced himself as that when they came here, she hadn´t really thought much about it.

“ Is there really any difference?” She had to ask.

“ What’s that supposed to mean? You can´t bothered to learn a new name?” He looked slightly miffed. Like he hadn´t pestered everyone to memorize the last name. Still, that´s not the point. She tries to formulate the thoughts that have been plaguing her these last months. For, when she really thought about, who better to answer them?

 

“I mean. Are Lea and Axel different people? Do you see Axel like other person separated from you?”

 

“….well, yeah, sure?” He gave a look that seemed to be questioning her sanity. Something felt insincere about the answer. And he stilled seemed like Axel to her. His mannerism, his looks and his goals.

 

“How?”

 

“How? Alright, it not that I see him- me like another person exactly. I was just not really myself,” he said the last part doubtfully.

 

“Not really?” She repeated unimpressed.

 

“Yeah, not really. Too hard for you princess?” He said clearly annoyed. As much as she wanted to respect the fact that Axel/Lea obvious did not wish to discuss the subject. This was a subject she really wanted to understand.

 

Biting her lips, she asked with a bit of guilt “How were you incomplete?”

 

“Didn´t have a heart. Kind of made questionable decisions,” here he gave her a pointed look. Kairi considered the answer. Pondered over a little while. Then rejected it.

 

“Making questionable decisions doesn’t necessary make you heartless. You once told me you were missing someone too? You cared enough to look for Roxas, what exactly where you missing?” What makes a nobody less than other people? What justification has she for erasing Naminé? He sighted. Taking time to answer the question this time.

 

“Look, I don´t really understand it myself. In a way I guess I´ve always been Lea. But as Axel, I felt disconnect to who I was. Like, like I was an echo. And around some people, it reverberated.” A pensive mood written all over his face. They lapsed into silence. Both considering his words.

 

“What is this really about?” He asked after a while. This time she was the one hesitating. The conversation had stirred an intense need to hear what she was feeling. To hear that Lea felt echoes of Axel, not the other way around. That he felt he was robbing Axel of his life. Denying him his existence. A comforting warm spread to her chest. She is trying to comfort me. The hot tears threatening to leak out Kairi´s eyes. She didn´t deserve to be comforted.

 

Alarmed Lea/Axel quickly said. “Hey! No need to cry, I´m not trying to interrogate or anything.”

 

“I´m not,” Kairi denied with the speed of a girl who had grown up with mostly boys as friends. Nevertheless, she wiped an escaped tear from her cheek. There were a few uneasy seconds of awkward silence, as Axel seemed to struggle find a way to offer some modicum of comfort her. Eventually he chooses.

 

“You know, if something is bothering you, don't just keep it to yourself. Share. I´ll listen.” She half expected him to add ´Got it memorized?´ to lighten the mood. But his eyes were sincere in a way that reminded her that despite how they meet, Axel could be caring and kind in a way that still surprises her. She didn´t want to like him at first. Felt there was something traitorous and dangerous about him. But sometimes she saw her own fears reflected in his eyes. Heard the same muffed whispers of ´ please don't leave me´ and ´can´t we remain that way forever´. And she would feel a strong kinship with him.

 

Frustrated she confides. “Is just that you don´t seem that different from Axel? But I´m _not_ a complete version of Naimné! I´m not. But I still absorbed her like it was my right. Without knowing anything I imprisoned her in my heart. And I can feel her sometimes. But Axel she didn´t need to disappear. I should have tried to stop her. I should have told her she could be her own person”

 

Axel´s eyes were wide as he stared at her. When he spoke his voice trails slowly, like his words are unwilling to take flight. ”Kairi. I´m not following you. Start from the beginning, please?” So she did. Told him about how Naminé saved her. Their meeting with Roxas and Sora. About the grief came in waves and threatened to consume her entirely. Pouring her heart, him while he silently listened.

 

In the end she whispered. ”It just that missing something is all I do now” Home. Sora. Riku. Naimné. It was so tiresome. Axel gave her sardonic smile” Perks of being the one left behind”. Perhaps she was reflecting Axel´s pain. Digging up depressive feeling he have tried his best to bury.

 

"It not a particular cheerful story, but I can tell you about her," he continued with a soft tone.

 

How could she turn that down?

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope we see them interact in Kh3. See them become friends, support each other and not just focus on Lea remembering Xion.


End file.
